Shocking news this morning that Sammy Sounder has expired.
A driver for Willamette Jet Boats discovered the Orca at daylight. An autopsy revealed blocked arteries and a over caffeinated heart as the cause of death. Contents of the stomach contained several boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts and liver samples confirmed abuse of Starbucks espresso.Starbucks and Krispy Kreme have declined comment.
All three members of the Emerald City Supporters group have been notified. Apparently Sammy swam from the Pungent Sound area to the Columbia and up the Willamette without incident. Several boaters at the Redbull Flugtag last weekend reported a horrific odor near the Burnside bridge…todays finding explains the complaints.
Out of respect for Sammy Sounder there will be a wake at the Bitter End Pub at 6pm and another at the Bullpen Tavern following shortly afterward. A FUNeral procession will proceed to PSGE park prior to the 8pm kickoff of the Portland Timbers and the Seattle Sounders. Sadly… Sammy could have stayed home and watched the match on Fox sports channel. The trip was just too much for the dearly departed whale.
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And see you all tonight at PGE Park!
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I Timber Jim.
This is very sad.